The other night I watched Saving Private Ryan. It was probably at least the twelfth time or so that I had seen it since my father’s death.
A week from next Monday will mark the twenty-first anniversary of Whitie’s passing. He died on January 15, 2003, aged eighty, after a four-year-long struggle with lung cancer. It’s hard for me to fathom that he has been gone that long. He was such a major influence in my life that it’s almost as if he’d never left.
Sergeant Technician "Whitie" Newland |
I probably don’t mean
that in the way that most people might think. I mean, yes, Whitie influenced me
in some very positive ways by his own example of being honest, hard-working,
and as good as his word. But his effect on me has been peculiar in very
specific ways—for better or for worse, I guess you might say. My relationship with
Whitie was never an easy one. I at first spent a lot of time trying to win his
love, approval and pride in me, and then, a lot more time, later, trying to get
over never having been able to. It took a long time to learn how to eschew his consistent
criticism from every accomplishment I struggled to make, and to force myself to
realize that I was worthy of unconditional love and respect, no matter how
Whitie had made me feel growing up. That said, probably the greatest lesson he
left me with, whether inadvertently or not, was that I was on my own. I was
working the high wire without a net.
Despite that difficult
relationship, I never stopped loving him or trying to win even the smallest approval
from him. But it was only as a very mature man that I started to understand
that a lot of what was broken in me stemmed from what was broken in him. The
mistake in my early years was thinking that he was authoritative and infallible.
It was only with age that I began to realize that we are all, in one way or
another, broken children, who must learn to deal with the pain of our childhood
wounds, and that while some of our inner children were less traumatized than
others, we all struggled with our childhood insecurities. In that sense, I’m
Whitie, and Whitie was me.
Spielberg's D-Day |
Sgt. Whitie somewhere in France |
I once wrote about how, shortly
before my father died, my brother Dennis had brought him the video of Saving Private Ryan, thinking that it
was something that might “entertain” Whitie, since he had actually “been there
done that.” For a long time, the video cassette sat on top of the hardwood
cabinet of the TV. Every once in a while my mother, Reba Mae, would ask when he
planned to look at the movie Dennis had brought him. Whitie would say he’d get
around to it.
"Pvt. Ryan" - authentic horrors of war |
“Oh, so you finally
watched that movie?” she asked.
“The first part,” Whitie
said.
“What? You didn’t like
it?”
“It’s not that,” he said.
“It was just too much like it really was over there. I couldn’t keep watching.”
Having spent three years
in the Army myself, but never having seen combat, my only experience with being
under fire was infiltration and night patrol training at Fort Bragg, North
Carolina, where our Airborne Ranger instructors subjected us to live machinegun
and small arms fire, as well as carefully triggered explosions, to simulate, as
closely as possible, what combat would be like if we were ever in a battlefield
situation. It would have been easy for me to speculate, then, on viewing the
movie, that Spielberg, king of the special effect, might have gone overboard in
staging the horrific battle scenes. Whitie’s reaction to it made me realize,
however, that Spielberg hadn’t. That, in fact, it was well-documented and as
close to reality as he could make it.
Captain Miller and Sgt. Horvath (Hanks and Sizemore) |
The back story,
meanwhile, reveals that two of the D-Day fatalities—not under Miller’s command—
are brothers from the Ryan family of Iowa. In earlier action, a third of the
four Ryan brothers has been killed in action in New Guinea. When Army Chief of
Staff General George C. Marshall is made aware that these boys’ mother will be
receiving simultaneous notifications of the deaths of three of her four sons,
he orders that a detail of men carry out an urgent search, with the mission of
finding Mrs. Ryan’s fourth son, Private James Ryan of the One Hundred First Airborne, and getting him out of
harm’s way. The rest of the movie deals with the ultimate sacrifices that
Miller and his men will face in accomplishing that mission, and the reluctance
of Private Ryan to be saved, which would mean turning his back on the only
brothers his has left—his comrades in arms.
The fear that the movie portrays, particularly in the opening D-Day scene, is suffocating. You can almost smell it. The amount of fire from the Germans being taken by the massive landing parties is withering. And it is a little like shooting fish in a barrel, since the Nazis are well dug-in with concrete gun emplacements established along the shore. The surf is running red with the blood of Allied soldiers who fail to make it off of the landing craft and to get to cover on shore before becoming casualties. In real life, more than four thousand four hundred Allied troops died in the D-Day landing. Well over half of them were Americans. That was more fatalities in a single day than either the Union (3,155) or the Confederacy (3,903) lost in three days of bloody fighting at Gettysburg.
Spielberg very aptly
demonstrates how impossibly difficult the landing was and how determined the
Germans were to halt it. He reportedly spent eleven million dollars—which seems
like a paltry sum today, a quarter-century later—and used a thousand extras to
recreate the landing on a concentrated area of beach. He even hired amputees to
pose as soldiers with limbs blown off, and obviously compiled a great deal of
military advice and intelligence in order to successfully pull it off. It
worked.
A lighter moment and a bit of sparring on the front lines in Europe |
This couldn’t help but
remind me of friends of mine who, less lucky than myself, endured the battlefield
hell of the Vietnam War while I was assigned to NATO forces in Europe. A cousin
who was as close as a brother to me, and who managed to come back but left part
of himself, for life, back on the Southeast Asian battleground. A friend who
joined the Army so young that by age nineteen, he was already a staff sergeant,
leading squads of men in firefights in the rice paddies and jungles of Vietnam.
Another friend who, tragically, came home in a box and whose funeral I attended
in uniform, just after completing my basic combat training. The many posthumous
awards ceremonies I played for in my time with the Seventy-Second Army Band at
Fort MacArthur in Los Angeles.
Whitie in camp, somewhere in the European Theater |
Whitie always downplayed
his role, claimed he “didn’t do much” and “wasn’t part of the first wave.” As
far as I can tell, from poring over the history of the outfits he served with,
he was elsewhere in Europe and didn’t form part of the troops that took part in
the initial D-Day landing. But he was indeed one of the thousands of soldiers who
would take part in the Southern France landing that would come two months later
in August of 1944. And from there he would be involved in the swift and massive
push northward with the Seventh Army that would eventually contribute to the
definitive defeat of Nazi Germany. This all happened within the context of
Operation Dragoon, in which, over the course of a month of initial fighting,
seventeen thousand Allied troops would be killed, while seven thousand of the
enemy would die, ten thousand would be wounded, and another one hundred thirty
thousand would be captured.
It’s all of these things
and more that Saving Private Ryan
brings home to me every time I see it. So it is no more “entertainment” to me
than it would have been for Whitie. It is, instead, a heart-rending lesson, a
learning process that helps me understand my unreadable father better—a graphic
glimpse into the horrors of his youth, and those of so many other young men
like himself, in his generation and my own, who lost their innocence and earned
a lifetime of trauma on the battlefield.
2 comments:
Such a powerful piece! It was difficult to read, but thank you for letting me see the agony of war through your father’s experiences and your eyes as well.
Than you so much for reading it, "Anon".
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